My trip to the San Francisco Flower and Garden Show

The SF flower and Garden Show snuck up on me this year.
My husband was on the east coast. I had field trips and reading and the school science fair kick-off—not to mention the usual over-scheduled events that my kids are into every week.

I came across an ad in the newspaper for The Show, and exclaimed “Holy blossoming billbergia, Batman, how am I going to find time to get there this year?”

I went through every day of that week in my head. Monday-physical therapy-no, Tuesday-field trip to San Juan Batista-no, Wednesday- computer lab and reading with second graders-no, Thursday-Spring school pictures (I’m the picture mom)-no, Friday Science fair kick-off.

I’m so not going. Holy dying dampiera diversifolia, what do I do now?

Turns out I had the picture day mixed up. At least this time one of my bumbling errors worked in my favor.

Now who am I going to get to go with me? All my friends are at least as busy as I am. I started to ask my friends. First I sent out an email to the general crowd. No takers. I received a few very sweet declines but most of my friends didn’t respond. So I decided on a different approach. I started calling the ones I thought would most enjoy a garden show. She said she had a scheduling conflict but she would love to go with me next year.

I was starting to feel a little desperate so I started calling the ones that wouldn’t want to go. Guess what? None of them wanted to go.

On the morning of The Show, I gave it one last shot. I showed up at Starbucks. My friends were there. I thought I'd just make one more desperate plea before I left. I actually ended up on my knees telling one of my friends that I would pay for her ticket, buy her lunch, anything else she wanted at The Show, and I would forgive the five dollars she owed me. She took a long sip on her non-fat, quad shot, venti, no foam latte, looked at me and said, “It’s just not my thing, sorry.”

Driving up to SF I started to ponder why it was so important to have a friend along. Did I think I’d have more fun? Did I need someone to bounce ideas off of? Someone I could have lunch with? Someone who would hold my purse while I went to the bathroom?

It finally dawned on me half way through The Show. I was having a great time by myself. I could see everything I wanted, I could stand in one place for five minutes and not have to worry about boring someone. It’s not that I would have more fun with someone else in tow; it’s that I NEED A KEEPER!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, by the time I had left The Show, I had embarrassed myself in such a wide variety of ways that I was considering changing my name and moving out of state.

First, I had just found a place to park directly across from the Cow Palace. I didn’t even have to pay. Of course it’s the kind of neighborhood where your car may not be there when you get back but it was a great spot.

I got out of my car carrying a few things that I didn’t want to leave in plain sight. One of these being my phone charger. I also had my old phone charger that was broken so I thought I would just throw it away on

my way into the show.

I passed a homeless woman standing by a trashcan. I smiled and threw my good charger into the trashcan. I immediately realized what I had done turned and started rummaging through the trash under the suspicious eye of the bag lady. I knew I was horning in on her territory. I found my charger. I don’t know why but I felt guilty. Are there laws about trash? Once I threw it in did it belong to who ever got it first? I apologized to the homeless lady handed her some change and ran across the street. I was in such a hurry to get away from the scary bag lady that I forgot to wait for a green light.

I made it across in one piece with only one set of screeching tires. At which point every one in the crosswalk going the other direction and everyone on the parking structure walkway turned to look at the idiot woman who couldn’t wait for the green light.

I made it up to the ticket window and realized I left my coupon for $2 off at home, no big deal.

I purchased my ticket, handed the ticket to the taker and walk through the doors.

The fragrance of earth immediately filled my nostrils. I wanted to run and look at the gardens but I had been locked in my car for nearly an hour with a low-fat Grande latte. So instead I ran to the bathroom.

The nearest bathroom was up a flight of stairs to the right. I took the stairs two steps at a time, until I came upon a group of elderly ladies. I stopped, patiently and slowly walked up the steps behind them. As we reached the top of the stairs, I could see a line developing out the door of the Ladies room.
I was feeling a bit urgent, if you know what I mean. So I turned on my heels and headed down the stairs
thinking I should get to the farthest bathroom. Because it was getting crowded and the farthest bathroom would have less of a crowd. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

I decided to cut through the show. I couldn’t just run through the show. When I saw the gardens I forgot the task at hand and started to wander through and ogle. I was instantly caught up in the throngs of people and all that inspiring greenery.

I was strolling along when my bladder reminded me of my more immediate mission.

I had forgotten where I was. It’s very confusing down there in the gardens with low lighting and the people and AAAAH; I really needed to go now.

I ran through the nearest exit. Oh #^$&*, I was at the entrance to the show again. I was back where I started. This time I didn’t fool around, I bolted half way around the circumference of the show. I found the bathroom. There was no queue for the loo, ahhhh.

I was a new woman. On with the show.

I was now on the floor in the middle of the garden displays. I took out my camera and started snapping photos. I took two pictures, the battery light came on and my camera shut off.

I just stood there, frozen, starring down at my old wretched dinosaur of a camera.

My eyes dropped down to my feet. I wanted so badly to see a pair of ruby slippers sparkling in the theatrical lighting. I could just click them together and it would all be over. But I knew that the way my day was going, I stood a better chance of being squished by a flying house.

I did get my camera working again, but with no flash and no video viewfinder. This will explain why my pictures all look so “moody”.

Taking pictures in a crowd of people can be tricky. Especially when it’s dark, your camera has no flash, you’re semi-blind, and there are wheelchairs everywhere.

I was trying to snap a picture of one of the more bizarre gardens by the AIFD. I was trying various distances because the focus on my camera was precarious at best. I was backing up with my eye to the viewfinder when it happened.

I was focusing on this weird floral poodle when a woman in a wheelchair being pushed by her nurse pulled up behind me. I stepped back against the chair, lost my balance and sat in this nice ladies lap….I was hoping her nurse would just keep pushing both of us up to the wine bar where we could slam some cabernet, sing camp songs, and become fast friends. But alas, all I could do was struggle back to my feet and apologize while I dusted off her lap for no reason in particular until she shot me this look that said “Haven’t you touched me enough today?”

She was actually very sweet and forgiving. Lucky for me.

I decided to leave the garden area shortly after I tripped over a cable or a rock or something and in order to keep myself from falling again grabbed onto a potted plant and pulled it out of one of the garden displays.

My husband went with me last year. He is always prepared. He always brings a canvas bag to put stuff in and a camera with a fully charged battery. I didn’t have either. I kept gathering brochures and planting lists and business cards. I must have dropped them at least three times, crawling around on my hands and knees gathering them up again. So I went in search of a bag. I thought I’m sure there’ll be something I want. I’ll buy it and then ask for an extra big bag to carry all my stuff in.

I didn’t want to purchase plants because they were very expensive. I did however buy a magazine subscription. It came with a free magazine but no bag. So now I have a magazine to add to my pile.

I came upon a booth that was selling petrified wood. They were just like rocks only very beautiful and unusual. I bought six pieces for my kids. Yes, that’s right, they didn’t have a bag either. I guess they thought that every one should have a canvas bag with them in case they decide to buy rocks at the flower show.

Now my arms are filled with magazines, papers, rocks, a purse and a camera that doesn’t work.

I stopped at the beekeeper society and made a donation for this beeswax soap. I said, “Do you have a bag? The guy said “of course” and he handed me one of those brown bags we used to carry our lunch in only smaller and thinner.

I looked at the bag trying to figure out what would be the best thing to put in it.

I fit the soap and the rocks in it and just held it at the bottom.

I’m sure you guessed by now that the bag ripped and one of the pieces of petrified tree fell on my toe.

I was going to leave at that point. But wait. There was still one thing I had to do.
Something I came there specifically to do. Jeff Lowenfels was there to promote his book Teaming with Microbes co-authored by Wayne Lewis.

The book signing was at 1:30. I had forgotten about it. It was 2:00. I was late. Keeping a positive attitude, I headed toward the book signing saying to myself, “He will still be there, and there will be no crowds now.”

I was right. He was there, and there was nobody in line to have their book signed, Maybe because they had sold out of all of his books. The guy running the book booth said I think they some copies left at the booth around the corner. I ran around the corner with my rocks, my magazine, my brochures, my purse and my camera.

Then I stood in line at the second booth and watched as the last copy was sold to a nice chatty woman. She stood and chatted with the seller for what seemed like an hour while I hovered trying to find out if they had any more copies. Finally I interrupted “Excuse me do you have anymore copies of that book?” The chatty woman saw me eyeing her copy. She looked suspiciously at me and held her copy tightly to her chest. Come on, what did she think I would do—grab it out of her hands and run?

O.K., well the thought did cross my mind, but just briefly. I could bean her with a piece of petrifided wood, rip the book out of her hands, run through the exit and across the street to my car. (I had already made it once on a red light.) My moment of insanity was shattered when I heard the bookseller say “ They have one more copy left at the booth across the way.” I yelled thanks as I sped away to the booth. There it was, the last copy. The bookseller said to me,“That’ll be $24.99.”

I dumped everything I was carrying onto his table. I paid for the book and said “Do you have a bag?” The guy didn’t have a stinking bag. I am not kidding.

So, I took my book, my magazine, my rocks, my brochures, my purse, and my camera, and rushed back over to Jeff Lowenfels’ table. He was gone. He really was.

My lip started to quiver and I swallowed hard as I stared at his empty chair.

Then I heard a voice say “Did ya find a copy?” I looked up and saw him returning from one of the food vendors holding a large Pepsi and a paper container of some food I didn’t recognize. He was very sweet. He signed my book, gave me a bag of dirt teeming with microbes, and I was on my way. I would have loved to have talked with him longer but I now had only and hour to pick up my kids and I was an hour from their school.

I walked out of the show bagless, my arms piled high with books and brochures and camera and magazines and rocks and dirt. I felt a deep kinship with the baglady I had run into earlier.

I emerged from the show on an extremely sunny, warm day, quite unusual for San Francisco. My car was still there. The bag lady was gone. I waited for a green light. I made it home in one piece, My kids loved the petrified trees. My husband loved the soap and I loved the show. I came away inspired and loving gardening more than ever.

I did have a nightmare that night.

It was 2008. I was trying to get into the show and the man at the ticket counter compared my ID to a photo they had snapped of me the year before and he would’nt let me in. Two guards came along and hooked their arms in mine. My friends all sat at a table sipping lattes and watching me as the guards dragged me backwards out the front entrance.

Stumble It!

Comments

[Annie in Austin]

Oh, Chigiy - my side hurts from laughing - this is too hilarious. If you did have a keeper, you would have had less of an adventure! The photos may be moody but they're also very beautiful and dramatic.

It would have been fun to go with you, and guess what? The first stop would have been the ladies' room, I would have had my handy, lined fold up tote ready to unzip and fill with stuff, and we'd get to see everything nice and slow because I'm slow. There could be some advantages for you in hanging out with a mature garden pal:)

Annie at the Transplantable Rose

[Ruth]

A great post. I'd love to be able to go to a show like this!

[Paree]

As one of the members of the "Starbucks" crew who did not go with you to the show, thanks for the show. I imagined parking the car with you (cheapo), enjoying the wonderful smell of earth (aka fertilized dirt) and because of your pictures, presumably the nicest exhibits. I did all of this from the comfort of my home and didn't have to help carry your stuff. Hey, the Cow Palace aint my thing.

[Amber]

As another member of the Starbucks crew who didn't go with you, thanks for the recap! Wow. I'm scared of going with you next year. But I'll go. I'll bring the bags. And we'll meet at Starbucks the next morning and tell Paree all about what she missed.

[Carol]

I would have gone with you! I would have taken off from work, too. But dang, INDIANA is a long way, in so many ways, from California.

I skipped our flower and patio show this year, mostly a time thing, mostly it has been a big bore the last few years and no author like Jeff L. (Did you know that for the Garden Bloggers' Book Club we read his book in January? You know about the book club right?!)

[chigiy]

Annie, You'll have to head out here next March and go to the show with me. We'll go slow and I wont be bumbling around as much.

Ruth, It's a wonderful show. Some years it's better than others, but I always enjoy it.

Paree, Your house tomorrow? I'll be the one in the orange crocks.

Amber, you should be scared, you know what I'm really like now.

Carol, I need to get more info on the Book Club. I think I want to join:)

[Carol]

Chiqiy... just go to www.gardenbloggersbookclub.blogspot.com for details. We pick a book to read, read it, post about it, and then I publish a post with links to all the posts. It's fun! We usually have a dozen or so participate, but have room for everyone, even if you don't actually read the book selection!

[Esther]

Hi Chigiy, I'm so glad Rich passed on your garden blog to me. I'm a gardening fanatic & always have bigger dreams than my pocket book or time. So I really enjoyed all your stories & photos here on your blog, esp. this one about the S.F. Garden Show. I would have LOVED to go with you & would have as I had the time off, except 4000 miles is a bit far to go on second thought, but give me more notice & I'll think about it. LOL
One thing, I hate to leave early! ... have to see every booth! How about getting a sitter for the kids on that day?
It's just my style, incl Cow Palace & of course going to the furthest rest room. Plus always pick the furthest stall from the restroom door, as it is usually the cleanest & has the most toilet paper!
You are a very talented writer & I couldn't put your blog down. It was hysterical!
BTW, I would have brought the canvas bag, b/c S.F. is making the news here big time in Nova Scotia b/c it is the first city in No.Am. to ban the plastic bag being handed out free in stores. Some cities in Canada want to copy this idea including Halifax & one town already has.
Nova Scotia is very ecoogical. We have one of the best recycle reuse system in the World! Other countries come here to study us!!!!
We are also 1 of the only places in the world to be Scent Free & have been for about 8 years now! It started voluntarily in 1992 by the general public who didn't want to offend other's sensory buds! People wrote editorials stating how unkind & offensive perfume or after shave is to people who don't wear it & the idea mushroomed. Signs went up everywhere reminding people to be sensitive to others in the scent free world of Nova Scotia. Even people going out to nightclubs refrain from perfume & aftershave.
It became so popular that in mid 90s NYC's perfume marketing industry noticed a big down turn in sales in NS!!! This is how it Nova Scotia became known around the world for its voluntary scent free policy. Check it out on the Net sometime if you have time!!! It may be spring here but it is still too cold to plant anything ... 32F daytime and 22 F at night. Brrr.

P.S. BTW, I went to the Boston Garden Show with Mary, your husband's sister in 2001. It was nice but not nearly as beautiful as the SF one. They also had bags.

[chigiy]

Ester, you will have to plan a trip out here in March so we can go the the show together. And bring your bag.

[kate]

What a wonderful read!! I can only say that I am glad to read about someone else who manages to forget bags, throws away the wrong things, runs out of camera batteries at the most inopportune times ... it is rather a relief.

The pictures turned out great ... why is there a car in the first flower display?? or should I not be asking?

[chigiy]

Well Kate, actually the car in the garden is my car. Remember I said I parked across the street and I didn't feel comfortable parking it there, so I drove it toward the Cow Palace. While I was crossing the intersection, I lost controll of the vehicle careened through the entrance of the show, down a flight of cement steps and ended up in John Greenlee's garden.

It doesn't seem so far fetched, given the way my day was going.

[michelle]

OMG- TOO funny! If I would have know that morning at Starbucks it would have been this hilarious, you know I would have gone! And your pictures turned out great and made me miss seeing those gardens because they are so cool! Let's make sure we go next year. I like Amber will bring you a bag! Is there a way to get in on the calendar now? Let me know! Cheering you on in the garden. xoxo

[sivia]

Hey Chigiy: I went too, and if I would have known you were going we could have gone together, and there would have been two crazy women dropping stuff, tripping and spilling wine (Well I did that). But we would have fun doing it. It was a great show and your pictures are gorgeous. Let's get together at Filoli before it's too late.
Siv

[roses philippines]

I also instantly caught up in the throngs of people and all that inspiring greenery. And this garden so gorgeous!

vee

[RamonGustav]

Hi I liked your note, add your site to your bookmarks.